Six-Months...

It's hard to believe that our baby is six-months old, and that I've been a momma for half a year.

I remember so clearly that first day home from the hospital.  Gabe and I staggered through the door of our apartment half-asleep, still achy with a nasty cold & flu, and carrying our newborn son in a car-seat that overwhelmed me with its labyrinth of straps, clasps and anchors.  As we set the car-seat down on the table I peered in at Rokstad napping peacefully and had only one thought...what now?  Gabe and I quickly realized we were hungry, and that preparing food seemed out of the question so he went to get takeout.  He returned with food and a big fuzzy pink robe that I lived in for what seemed like the better part of a month.  In those first days I was overwhelmed with love for Gabe, love for Rokstad, and the realization that there isn't a fool-proof manual on how to raise a child.  I'd be figuring this out one day at a time. 

Well, one day at a time has turned into six-months and I can say that while I'm far from perfect, I do feel like I'm growing as a mom.  Those first weeks I used facebook as my primary mode of making parenting decisions.  Questions on feeding, eating and sleeping quickly became wall posts and I scrolled through dozens of answers in the wee hours of morning as I tried to keep from falling asleep while nursing.  I've moved away from this 'parenting by polling' as Gabe would call it, and though I do enjoy the wealth of information the community of mothers on facebook provide I'm gaining the confidence to make decisions with Gabe after doing the appropriate research and holding firm to what I feel is best for our family and our son.  I've learned that there's a difference between hearing advice, and feeling obligated to follow it.  Though I'm extremely well-read when it comes to babies and sleep, in retrospect it was likely unnecessary to read the six different books various moms recommended on the topic.

I will also say that the first day home from the hospital I felt a sadness when I looked at Gabe and realized that our 'fun and free couple' days were behind us.  What if we wanted to drive to the ocean on a whim?  What if we wanted to spend a day lazing about the house in our pjs and eating ice-cream?  What if we wanted to go to the movies?  When I started crying, Gabe explained that while we were no longer a 'fun and free couple' we could still be a 'fun and free family.'  Our days would look different, but it wouldn't mean that there was any less joy or fulfillment.  Now I get what he was talking about.  I look at our life now and its hard to remember life before Rokstad.  He fills our life in such a way that there is more love in our house than I ever thought possible.  We've committed to making Rokstad a part of the life we love and not resolving to an existence of baby-induced solitude because he might occasionally scream or poop his pants (don't we all?)  The kids at Gabe's school love him, we took him on a hike to Rattlesnake lake last Saturday, and he accompanied Hunter on a round of putt-putt golf in celebration of his tenth birthday.  As a brand-new mom I might have thought these things would be 'too hard' for a baby, but as a six-months-new mom I've found them to be totally manageable and totally enjoyable.

I'm looking forward to the next six-months; what I'll learn, what Rokstad will teach me, and of course the awesome first birthday party I plan to throw.